Catch Up- part two

After returning back from Ireland and Scotland I went right back to work, trying to restock my bank account as best as I could before summer went into full swing with Irish festivals and friends to see.

Summer was good, Irish festivals galore and seeing friends that I hadn't seen in a long time. One festivals in particular was great. It's a festival that lasts all weekend and has camping right on the festivals grounds. Beer was flowing sufficient and everyone was having a great time. I ran into an "old friend" who traveled back to NY just to attend said festival. Since he moved away I figured things were done between us. It's a complicated story that takes too long to explain and doesn't even really make much sense, even to me. Anyway, he was at the festival and I didn't know how I felt about that- I didn't know if I was happy to see him, mad to know he was there or just sad because of all the bullshit he put me through. So, in order not to seem like the downer of the party I drank....a lot. I lost count of the number of shots I had that night after 5, along with the 4 or 5 beers I had on top of that. I enjoyed the Guinness and Apple corn far too much. It's tradition at the festival to rain the entire weekend, it happens every year and one year the weather was even categorized as a tornado. It's insane yet we always get together for this festival and enjoy the torrential downpour, high 90 degree weather during the day and too much alcohol- it's what we do.

So, being fair skinned and spending the entire day out in the sun I was already freezing from the sunburn and the dampness of the rain that night. Of course *HE* was glued to my side and tried to strike up conversations with me which I was not a fan of and just wanted him to go away from my group's party area and disappear...didn't quite happen that way. Being as it was early morning and we were still partying I decided it was time for me to sleep and put on dry clothes before I got pneumonia or something...he thought it was a grand idea to follow me. Needless to say he spent the night in my tent that night and being the idiot that I am I accepted a t-shirt he let me borrow because i couldn't find a dry sleeping shirt in my duffel bag. *sigh* Sounds stupid I know, but I feel that if a guy lets you borrow an article of his clothing then it means something..I don't know what, but it just means something. I gave it back to him the next morning and he gave me the biggest smile ever. The next day I didn't see him at all until I saw him back at the campgrounds...his arm over another girls shoulder. Never have I felt like throwing myself on the ground and wishing the earth would just swallow me up and I could disappear. I didn't talk to him the rest of the time we were there.

The worst part of all wasn't the fact that he had his arm around another girl, but that I realized that that night was the best sleep I've ever had. Every time I woke up his arm was always around me and he never let me go. I would open my eyes and he must've somehow known that I was awake because he'd look at me and kiss my forehead...it was perfect. It made me feel close to someone and a kiss on the forehead and not on the lips?...to me that just screams "I care about you"....apparently I'm more of an idiot than I thought because that was not the case.

He sent me a text a few weeks later saying that I'm awesome and he's nothing but a low life jerk. my response to him "you're absolutely correct, I'm not going to fight with you on that one". He told me that i was the most amazing woman he's ever met and I'm not like any other girl he's known. After texting for over 2 hours I still hadn't forgiven him but I felt that since he was telling me how much I didn't deserve to be treated the way he treated me that maybe he truly was sorry and that he really cared and thought about me often...WRONG.

I think I need to be slapped, to think that he actually cared about me even though he lived so far away. My dad died and he didn't even say anything to me. None of my other guys friends did either.